Baby, It's COLD Outside!

This weather is horrible.  We are on day 2 of no school for kiddos.  I, however, still have to work.  That means I have to take Evalynn out in this 15 degree weather to get to my mom's.  Yea, it's only from house to car and car to house, but I hate it.  The wind is horrible.  She had a cough last week, but she hasn't seemed to have it anymore.  Thank goodness.

On another topic, I'm obsessed with Nicki Minaj.  I love her music and personality.  I want to buy her album Pink Friday after Christmas.  I need to finish Christmas shopping.  Ugh.  Ok, Evalynn is whining so this is all I can fit in for right now!

BUSY BUSY BUSY!

Ok, the holidays make everyone busy enough.  But, I'm making it worse for myself.  The last two weeks I volunteered to work 6 days a week.  Then yesterday I look at the schedule and I see 6 days on the board!  YIKES!  At least I'm making good money.  I feel like I'm killing myself to make Christmas good for Evalynn even though she will not remember it.

As you can see this is really cutting into blogging time!  I have so many pictures to post and things to say, but by the time I sit down to do it I'm so tired.

I think Evalynn is getting a little cold.  She has been coughing some at night.  I hate the sound.  It is so pitiful.

Well she is down for a nap.  I think I might do the same before work.

Pure Romance

I sell Pure Romance and have put together a few specials for Christmas.  I have a Naughty and a Nice special.  Both priced at $50 ($70 worth of products.)

Naughty
Sensations-heating massage edible lubricant comes in candy apple and hot butter rum
X-Scream-arousal cream for you and him
Twitter-C-ring with wireless bullet included
Cozy Cuff-fuzzy handcuffs for light bondage forplay

Nice
Just Like Me-the best everyday lubricant a girl can have
Coochy-4oz rash free shave cream comes in original, green tea, grapefruit, and pomegranate
Thumbs Up-g-spot vibrator hits all the right spots
Bed of Roses-rose petals and tea lights set a romantic mood for a night of fun

The Holiday Season Has Begun.

I am just not going to have any time to post until after my birthday!  Which is January 20th if anyone cares.  I just realized today that I'm about to be 23!  I have no idea why that seems so old to me.  Lord knows how I will feel when the big 3-0 comes around.

My Christmas tree is UP!  Jay actually spent about 4 days over here.  He put it up while I was at work.  It was a nice surprise to come home to.  One morning I was feeling horrible and he actually got up with Evalynn, changed her, made her bottle, and fed her before I got out of bed.  It was something that pleasantly surprised me.

We went and got Christmas pictures with my sisters and my cousins.  I will probably add at least one of them to this post tomorrow.  Right now I just don't feel like it.  I closed tonight at work.  I hate closing.  I like being second to last out.  You get most the same money as the closer without all the extra work.

Also, like I said before I'm still a little sick.  Last night was the worst of it.  I had a horrible headache, was nauseous, plus the sore throat and cough.  I actually had a babysitter to go out, but ended up throwing up and just going to bed.  I'm feeling better today but still have a sore throat.  BOO!

Tomorrow I am going to start addressing Christmas cards.  I love the holidays!  I'm just super busy, and I'm trying to get more hours at work.  No, I'm not trying to kill myself with work, just need extra money this month!

Oh Christmas Tree...

What a pain in my ass you are.  I went and got it yesterday.  That thing did not wanna fit into my little Kia Spectra.  I tried putting it in the trunk long ways, then wide ways then putting the back seat down, then moving the car seat and putting that side down because it was bigger.  I ended up having to put it in through the back seat into the trunk, and even then I needed to SHOVE it in.  It was probably a sight for everyone else to see.  If I wasn't so angry I would of taken a picture.  I wish I would of now, it would of made this post so much better!  Now the tree is sitting in front of my closet until Friday.  At least that is when I plan on putting it up!

Well, that's all for now!

PICTURES!

We went and finally got baby pictures at 4.5 months.  Next weekend we are getting Christmas pictures with my sisters and cousins.  So I made sure none of these were Christmas themed even though I am sending the one of the two of us out in Christmas cards.  No big blog today just wanting to share photos!

It's about time!

I finally got to see my rolli polli in action!  She rolled twice today!  I missed it once, but later when she looked like she might do it I kept my eyes on her.

It was right after she had an explosive poop.  Up the front and onto her onesie.  I hate those, but we haven't had one in a long time.

I got most of my apartment cleaned today.  Laundry is at my grandma's getting done.  I swear I'm not lazy, I just don't have a washer and dryer in my apartment.

I am getting so very sick of the people who live above me.  They make my apartment SHAKE!  I have no idea what they are doing but it makes me so mad.  I notice it most when I am home all day like today.

My best friend is coming over tonight.  We are going to watch Abc primetime shows.  Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice are two shows I can never miss.  The plan is also to eat frozen pizza, drink a beer or two, and gossip.  We have so much fun doing nothing together.  That is the kind of person I think every single mother needs.  Someone who is interested in your life even though you've changed to much.

Reading for Pleasure

I used to love reading.  I remember going through books weekly as a kid.  When I was pregnant I had some time off and got to get back to pleasure reading.  Four years of college had me busy with textbook reading and partying.  I did get a few books in during those years though.

Anyway, I bought a book yesterday at K-Mart when I went to get the Christmas tree price lowered on my lay-a-way.  It is called Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult.  I chose this one because I have enjoyed other books she has written, so I knew it would be a safe bet.  So far, I'm right.

It does tug a certain place in my heart though.  That was her intent, I'm sure of that.  A mother is filing a lawsuit against her OB for wrongful birth.  Her daughter is severely disabled with a bone disease.  She is trying to win the lawsuit on grounds that if she had known about the disease earlier she would of terminated the pregnancy.

As a mother this makes me think.  I have a very healthy baby.  But, what if I didn't?  Am I strong enough to love a child that is disabled and leaves me with piling medical bills I cannot afford?  I think it is a good book for mothers.  It is only making me love my daughter even more.

Shower time!

Baby shower time that is.  A girl I work with had her shower today.  I gave her a laundry basket full of stuff she will need like diapers, wipes, soap, lotion, bottle brush, onsies, ect.  I loved it when I got that at my shower, so I passed it on.

Everyone commented on how good a baby Evalynn is.  One lady said "Sarah is gonna be jealous if her baby isn't as good as yours!" I love taking her out and having people make comments on how great she is.  Unless its a creepy worker at K-Mart that is awkwardly walking next to your cart glaring at your baby.  That was so weird.

Speaking of K-Mart, I put a Christmas tree on lay-a-way.  It was on sale for $119.99.  Then, today I see an add for the tree I got for $79.99.  I will be making a trip there tomorrow to get the lower price!  I will also probably make a payment on it and pick up the Laugh&Learn tea set for her for a Christmas gift.

And, what is the big deal about Sophie the giraffe?  I wanted one for Evalynn a while ago.  She has lots of giraffe toys.  But, this is just a rubber teething toy.  Right?  I'm going to put it on her list so we shall see if anyone will fork out $20 for a baby teething toy.

My day off

So today is one of my days off.  I cleaned a little.  Cleaning means I actually made my bed, dropped laundry off at my moms.  I don't have a washer since I live in an apartment, I'm not just lazy LOL.  I took trash out.  I put dishes away.  I haven't gotten around to doing the dirty dishes yet, I'll probably do that once Evalynn goes to bed.

I spent $300 at the grocery store today.  HALF of that was JUST a month of formula!  But, I haven't had food for ME in about a week, which results in me eating out everyday.  Ok, eating out means eating at work.  I get 50% off food but still $4 a day on one meal is getting expensive.  And making me fat.  Not that eating Stoffer's Mac&Cheese for dinner is helping any.  My mom did stop me from buying Coke.  (I got Diet.)

I'm so close to quitting smoking.  Its mostly a money thing.  I really enjoy smoking, but when I look at the price I want to quit.  I went 3 days without smoking.  I've smoked about 5 in the last two days.

Well, I get another day off tomorrow!

This is my favorite picture of Evalynn with her Poppy (my stepdad)

SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS!!

A couple years ago this title would be for a post about a night out at the bar or a frat party.  Today, it is about vaccines! LOL.

Yesterday Evalynn had her 4 month shots.  She is such and amazing baby.  She cried for 5 seconds after I picked her up and then she fell asleep.  She didn't even get fussy the rest of the day!

I am sooo blessed at how good a baby she is.  She only cries when something is wrong and I can easily fix it.  She sleeps thru the night.  HAHA, I say this as she leaves me a dirty diaper to clean.  Guess everyone's baby poops.

But, anyway, after the appointment, my friends mom asked if I had plans for lunch.  I've known her since I was in kindergarden because I am friends with her daughter.  So she took me and my friend out to lunch.  It was nice.  I made plans to go to a mom group this morning.  I missed it though.  Evalynn didn't wake up until 10am and my phone was still on silent from work.  I basically got home and went to bed after stopping at my aunts.  I left my only can of formula over there and had to order some stuff from AVON.

Well, I have to go change a poopy diaper!

UGH

I went out to the bar with friends last night.  I get one night to myself a week pretty much.  My mom has Evalynn spend the night.

Today was a horrid hangover.  I haven't had one this bad in a long time.  I used to feel like this more than once a week.  I have no idea how I survived college.

I stole an idea from a blog I follow.  On facebook I'm posting one thing I am thankful for a day until Thanksgiving.  And who knows maybe after that.  We should be thankful all the time!
#1 I'm thankful for my daughter.  She saved me from myself.
#2 I'm thankful for my job.  As much as I complain I am grateful I have one.

Thats all I have so far.

Holidays have been on my mind a lot lately.  I called the turkey dinner in as "Thanksgiving dinner" today at work.  The cooks made fun of me.  I really enjoy working there.  Most days I laugh pretty hard. I am a people person, so waitressing suits me for now.

Well nix that

I didn't go on the date.  Honestly it was because I was scared.  I bailed big time.  I feel like I'm still hung up on baby daddy.  Someday I know I will be able to move on but it is just so incredibly hard!  I never thought I would be the person to want to stay in a very unhealthy relationship.  But I am, I do.

I see baby daddy sporadically, and fight with him often.  He has probably changed Evalynn 5 times and fed her like 3 times.  Its so frustrating.

When she is older she is gonna love her daddy because he is "fun" aka no disciple.  It won't matter to her that I tell her no because I love her.  She also will never know about the fights we had over whether or not she was his baby.  I always knew 100% she was his.  It has been like every fight we have that he tries to deny her.  Then, when we are good, she looks just like his other kids, him, ect.  Yesterday we almost got in a fight because he denied denying her!  I think most of the time we fight when he is really drunk, so maybe he doesn't remember, but I do.  I just want Evalynn to have a good relationship with me and her daddy.  And I want us to have a good relationship for her.  I just need to realize that I don't need him to be my romantic partner anymore, just my parenting partner.

Rolli-Polli

So on my days off all I do is sit here and play with my baby girl. Yesterday she was laying on her gym mat for tummy time. She kept turning herself like she was about to roll over. She has rolled before but it was one of those I know I put her on her tummy and now she is on her back type moments. So, yesterday I was watching her VERY closely. I looked away for literally 60 seconds and I hear the music coming from the little birdie.  She had rolled again!  I'm pretty sure she is doing it when I'm not looking on purpose!

Yesterday we also took cousin Dylan out to dinner for his 15th birthday.  I had intended on asking him to be her godfather, but somehow that slipped my mind until right now.  I know he already knows that I want him to be it.  His dad, my uncle, became my godfather when he was 15 too.

Today is my baby sister's 18th birthday!  I cannot believe she is an adult!  I took her out for her birthday on Tuesday and is helping pay for her class ring.  Also today, I have a date.  I'm so scared and nervous.  I don't do dates very well.  I'm more of a hang out type of person.  So wish me luck!

Election Day!

I went and did my part in voting today!  Gotta show Evalynn that its her right to vote and she should exercise it as often as possible.  Gotta start setting examples young!

I got a text from a friend telling me to go vote.  I honestly had no intention of going today, but since someone took the time to text friends I figured I had enough time in my day to go.  That also prompted me to get someone else to go vote.  So I went and picked up my grandma.  We went and voted.  It just took a minute, and I feel great about it.

I'm so behind in bills I need to cash in my change and put that in the bank for bills.  If I had another income we would be set.  I make barely enough for bills and some extra spending money.  If there was another income, all bills could be paid on time and there would be plenty of money for fun.

Jay got a job!  So I will at least start getting SOME child support soon.  That will help.  Thank goodness for government help!  If I didn't have WIC there is NO way I could afford formula.  Well gotta relax a little before I go work my butt off again tonight!

Happy Halloween!

Jay came and stayed a night this week.  I feel so bad sometimes because he doesn't do well with Evalynn.  He tries to soothe her when she is crying but its so hard.  All baby girl has to do with me is see me and she will stop crying hysterically.  But, I spend so much time with her and he will see her like 4 times a month.  It makes me so sad.

Yesterday I went to the er I was bleeding very very bad.  I was at work soaking thru a pad an hour.  I actually touched the front of my thick work pants and my hand was covered in blood.  I ALMOST thought I was having a possible miscarriage, even though I didn't believe I could be pregnant.

When I got home from the er I got my mail.  Child support is established.  Its so weird reading those papers.  "365 days with Karmen 0 overnights with James."  "Child cannot move out of state without approval of this court."  That is not what I thought my life would be.

Well I hope everyone has a happy halloween!  Me and Evalynn are having a Halloween movie marathon!  Right after I change this stinky poopy diaper!

Some one did not like being in a pumpkin last night either!

Dr. Visit

So remember how I said the weather was bad yesterday?  Well it caused the most interesting and annoying doctor appointment EVER.

It was a the gyno, I had a spot to be checked out.  So the nurse takes me to the room tell me to undress from the waist down.  So I'm sitting with no pants on with one of those paper sheets over me for about 40 minutes.  All of a sudden a different nurse comes in and goes you have to get dressed and come to the basement!

From my phone I checked the weather and there was a tornado warning for the OTHER side of the county.  So I was very annoyed in the basement.  They let us leave after about 30 minutes.  I was just going to reschedule because I was in such a bad mood.  The nurse practitioner did see me right after we went back upstairs though.  And now I have to go see a dermatologist to get moles removed.  Apparently, they are "highly pigmented" and she "would get them removed if they were on her."

Wiiindy

Severe weather today.  I remember when I first moved into this apartment I was 8 months pregnant.  It was the only month we had crazy storms.  I hide in the bathtub once or twice, not gonna lie.  NOW, I am getting more freaked out because of Evalynn.

She has done just fine with storms so far.  I know I should keep cool so she doesn't learn to be afraid of them.

The other thing about bad weather today is I'm not going to make any money at work.  People aren't about to go out to eat when there is a tornado watch.  So much for my being happy I am third off and and we are in a three instead of the usual 4.  The last few days at work have NOT been good money makers.

Well I have a doctor's appointment in a few.  I will report on that and the towns wind damage tomorrow!

My new life

So my life is crazy, yet boring.  My beautiful daughter, Evalynn, had brought joy to my life that wouldn't be here without her.  My relationship with her father is a roller coaster, that I am trying to end, but can't quite bring myself to do.

This journey began a year ago.  October 2009 is when I found out I was pregnant.  I still can't believe this was a year ago!  One year ago this little girl in front of me was just a a couple cells and didn't even have a a heartbeat yet!  She entered this world on July 4th 2010 at 12:56am via C-section.

I live in a little apartment.  Just me and Evalynn.  Its crazy that for the first half of everyday I do not speak to a grown up.  At night I waitress.  It saddens me that I have a B.A. in psychology and am waiting tables.

I graduated from Michigan State University in May 2010.  I waddled across that stage 7 months pregnant!  I miss my life before Evalynn somedays, but I can't imagine going back!

I'm going to try and get out frustrations and just talk about my life as it is.  I keep a lot of secrets from my family and friends and am just hoping to let everything known on here.  Maybe a few people will be interested in my life.